http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/en-UKhttp://backend.userland.com/rss092http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/http://data5.blog.de/design/preview/9d/c8c0c66d5aa2464926abc262b864d6_160x200.jpg <p>I left F about a year ago. I had let off the heavy rock in my heart and physically. I am now working in DBS bank and soon will be going to Sumitomo Mitsui Corp Bank on 4th of March 08. Job-hop haha <img src="/img/smilies/icon_wink.gif" alt=";)" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>My last day in DBS is on the 19th of Feb 08. Den i'll be going to Hong Kong for 5 days to enjoy a bit before i start my new job. Hoping that i get rest and freedom, most of all, is to buy a lot of things like bags, clothes and food. What i think i will enjoy probably is the weather there. About 13 - 15 degress. HaHa! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2008/02/11/everything_has_turn_good_now~3711958/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2008/02/11/everything_has_turn_good_now~3711958/Mon, 11 Feb 2008 16:37:07 +0100 <p>Wow, last day of everyhing isnt that great, means i got no more allowance and i don't get to see my frens so often anymore.</p> <p>I had a great time at OCBC. Though am an intern student there, my "family" there was great...<br> <a href="javascript:window.open(" title="Picture 047"><img src="http://data2.blog.de/media/572/1167572_4ec5300bf5_s.jpg" alt="Picture 047" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a><br> This is a pic of my "family" in OCBC IT department - level 6<br> Bro Djaka, Bro Jon, me, Mother Sook Yee</p> <p>Hahaha, i also took photo with 2 frens from level 5, they are also from the same school as me...<br> <a href="javascript:window.open(" title="Picture 061"><img src="http://data2.blog.de/media/577/1167577_e3033778a4_s.jpg" alt="Picture 061" vspace="5" hspace="5"></a><br> Andy, me, Yon </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2007/02/13/hmm_last_day_at_ocbc~1732165/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2007/02/13/hmm_last_day_at_ocbc~1732165/Tue, 13 Feb 2007 10:01:36 +0100 <p>In 2 months out of the half year of attachment in OCBC bank, i start knowing frens from my school too. One of them is Mr Yon. I love his name sia... Yon sounds cool, lucky we don't call him Heong. It will sound very bad then...</p> <p>He plays guitar and also he used to play piano. He is a wonderful person. Out of the whole group of friends i click best with him. I tell him lots of stuffs we chat in our office communicator and also in emails... Never ending chatting. He is a very funny guy though always make me laugh non-stop in our chats. </p> <p>Now am play tower defence with him... Dotzz.. cos nobody plays with me... His english is good, everytime in the emails, our frens started asking what's the meaning of this word and that word.*^&%(&%)*^ Always use vocabulary words...</p> <p>Hmmm, gonna knock him down this lol, i will brush up my vocab den... Hahahahahahaa </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2007/02/13/mr_yon_a_new_fren_of_mine~1732107/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2007/02/13/mr_yon_a_new_fren_of_mine~1732107/Tue, 13 Feb 2007 09:48:54 +0100 <p><img src="http://" alt="null" title="null" width="51" height="30">Ok well, I am 19 this year and will be 20 in May 2007. I got this friend when i first know her when i was like 16 she was still in her Primary School. Meaning she was only 12 years old when i knew her. Now she 15, 16 in Sept 2007.</p> <p>She has a son now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br>I am going nutzzz, crazzzy *^*&%***^&%^#&*????#$%^#$?<br>She got pregnant when she was at the age of 14 and she gave birth to a baby boy this year, 19 JUNE 2006.</p> <p>I am in total lost when i heard that like few days ago and now planning to visit her one day. She stays near my mother's place which is located at Tampines. I stay with my bf in Pasir Ris.</p> <p>Come on man, I am turning 20 next year and had no idea how to get going to get marry and having a child. But i do play with my nephews and nieces. This is turning me crazy... When she told me at first i couldn't believe her. When i believed after she proven to me, i kept asking her questions. I was so so so curious. Anyway, i still wished her all the best in life and hope that her current decision will be a good one for future.</p> <p>She had stopped school when she was in seconday 2 and going to resume next year. She said that she is planning to get married after her O levels which means in another 2 to 3 years time. I got her picture and her son's picture. Probably anyone who drops by my blog take a look you really can't believe she is a mother now.</p> <p>I really wonder how she take care of her child... She is too playful type of girl and she is so young now. i will say younger den me. I do help taking care of my nephews and nieces but i feel so tough. The worst part is her boyfriend is only 22 or 23 years of age. Although he works but he won't have much money to provide the baby and my friend. </p> <p>But i still wish my friend good luck....</p> <p><a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/media/media_item.php?item_ID=1053605" title="My friend - Cheryl"><img src="http://data2.blog.de/media/605/1053605_9314bc0c61_s.jpg" alt="My friend - Cheryl" hspace="5" vspace="5" width="211" height="180"></a><br> My friend - Cheryl when she was 14 years old<br> <a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/media/media_item.php?item_ID=1053606" title="My friend and her son"><img src="http://data2.blog.de/media/606/1053606_08e7098118_s.jpg" alt="My friend and her son" hspace="5" vspace="5" width="225" height="180"></a><br> My friend now age 15 and her son<br> <a href="http://www.blog.co.uk/srv/media/media_item.php?item_ID=1053607" title="My friend. son, and friend"><img src="http://data2.blog.de/media/607/1053607_82ebe030ea_s.jpg" alt="My friend. son, and friend" hspace="5" vspace="5" width="225" height="180"></a><br> My friend(left, her son, other friend(right) </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2006/12/26/my_friend_has_a_son_i_was_freaked_out~1479545/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2006/12/26/my_friend_has_a_son_i_was_freaked_out~1479545/Tue, 26 Dec 2006 08:14:53 +0100 <p>I told him once that i dun like the photos in your friendster... He said that i am being childish.. fuck so are you telling me i can put my ex's photos there??? </p> <p>Even in my MSN i put my nick there big that i HATE THOSE PHOTOS!!! But he can just simply see nothing ignore it and still leave those photos on friendster... I am very sian le...</p> <p>Why he just want to do this to me... I realli cannot take it any further... I am trying to bring my amount of love for him from 100% to as far as only 10% so that anything happens i will not cry anymore for him... I am pretty sick le... Currently is like 80% in my heart...</p> <p>Time will show the effectiveness of my plans... I am still burden with those stupid debt.. I am tired... Looking at the amount i can faint... Once i leave him means i wont have debt anymore cos i know i wont create it myself... Cos i duno how to gamble... tired of it... realli... need a rest... with peace and silence. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2006/11/08/i_given_the_answer~1307674/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2006/11/08/i_given_the_answer~1307674/Wed, 08 Nov 2006 07:03:56 +0100 <p>I given him hints that i dun like people be with mi and yet go to ex-wife's blog and say something that is sentitive... I feel a bit cheated by him...</p> <p>Be with me yet in friendster put other photos... I really feel cheated... I had enough of this... The worst is on one of the nights we quarrelled and he said wat if he go beg her back and stuffs like that.. This one i totally feel gone case...</p> <p>I am a girl ok... I dun want to feel get cheated and he doing those things behind me.. If i never enter her blog means i never know wat he told her yeah... He also never try telling mi that he wrote something so it means cheating... I feel very heart-pain.... HEART-PAIN... I had enough.. i give a few more days and see wat he does.. he dun bring the pictures off... He dun bother to do anything i think is realli the end of it...</p> <p>How can a girl accept a guy whu did things behind her??? I totalli cant... I realli think of leaving him... I can't stand this anymore... arghhhh!!!!!!!!!!! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2006/09/08/hmmm~1107346/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2006/09/08/hmmm~1107346/Fri, 08 Sep 2006 09:30:21 +0200 <p>Sometimes i realli wonder, why did C choose to leave him in the end... Now i got the potential to it. Getting married and they bought the house together... Then, she moved into the house for a month and got chase out... F(husband) chase her out of the house and she got no choice and left the place... Hmmm, i thought it was really something very rong with C..</p> <p>BUT now, i moved into the place for about 5 months and guess how many times he tried chasing me off? I guess about 10 times... Haiz, so something is ery amiss yeah. The amiss part is "HE HAS THE GREAT HABIT OF CHASING PEOPLE OF HIS HOUSE".</p> <p>Which girl will want to be with such a guy, who gets angry and always chase a girl off? Last time he used to chase me off the car too. HAHA! Hmmmm, and the biggest thing i had learnt from him is the first time i cried very badly(the worst crying i had ever)... Slowly, to chase me off again and again, i had my heart slowly forzen harder and harder. NOT as sad as the beginning cos i learnt...</p> <p>Last time he stayed in C's parents house for 2 years, if C is going to chase him out like what he did to us... I really wonder what he feels??? He needs some chasing somehow yeah... BUT i am not so meant, let the thing pass and forget...</p> <p>If he continues to beat his girlfriends or wife and going to chase them out again and again.... He will sure be single in his life because no girls will ever appreciate such guys.</p> <p>When i move back home yesterday night, my mum asked me what happened. I told her he chased me out of his house... She immediately, that must be his habit la, always do that de... Even if be his wife he will also do that. Wa liao... I heard that, it reminds me of he chasing C off. HAHA. C was once his wife and she really got chase out. PLUS the house ar her name was the co-occupant lol.</p> <p>So i guess even if i marry him, in future he will also do that to me de lol. How should i put it properly, is he is going to chase all girls off in future, not only just me and C...</p> <p>Haiz, and this week i am reaslly busy, got a lot things to rush... No time to deal with such people. He is not the guy that will curdle a girl, protect her, and give a girl all he should... Even if i leave i doubt he will come and pick my back... COS he is that kind of guy and is the type that girls will not accept.</p> <p>Last time he chased me off... I will feel very heart pain and i will ask him if i can go back(just like begging)... I think i am being stupid, why should i beg him? NO need...</p> <p>Everyone has a limit, same goes to me... I got the LIMIT!!!!!!!!!!! I do not want to end up like an idiot packing things there and got chase off. When i am chase off i need to pack again. When i go back i pack again to go over den pack to go off again. This repeating thing is sick... Is also not just a bag of things but is about 8 bags of things. I need to carry them and they are so heavy all the way down to the bus stop and flag for a cab. Which means i waste my energy to bring them here and there and i waste my time packing and unpacking and ALSO pay for the cab... Cos i cant be taking bus with so many things and they are heavy...</p> <p>I want to be a happy girl... One who can always smile, very cheerful. But due to him, my cheerful character seems to be somehow not cheerful like the past. There are always cryings and quarrel. WOrst thing is i need to get his fist punching on me meaning i got beaten by HIM...</p> <p>Why make myself in such a state and the blueblacks on my body are so painful. It also take weeks to recover. I got the biggest patch of blueblacks is at my leg... It took a month to fully get the colour off. But internally is still painful even though the thing has past 2 to 3 months. What a sad case...</p> <p>If he is sincere, he would have invited to his mum's place for dinner. Guess what, that day after we bought his sister's computer, i helped him to carry it over to his mum's place. I got to asked him if i can go up not.. He jus answered you want go up lor... What the FUCK is this answer? Totally no sincerity to invite.. Like i got to beg him to let me go. Then he went up for 1.5 hours and i was waiting downstairs like an idiot doing nothing to fix his sister's computer. He never sms me to even tell me something happened to the com and need some time to fix it.</p> <p>I never get angry at all cos i got the patient... But he seems that he took it for granted lol... NOT FAIR AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!</p> <p>I got a lot more to say... but i am tired to even type any further... I just hope he learns that by chasing people off like that is a total wrong and hit girls is a total wrong. The reason he gave that he is violent is that when he was in army he had broken 13 people's arm so he started to be violent from then onwards. So is that excuse acceptable? OF cos not acceptable la cos he pushed the blame to the government...</p> <p>What happens if all the guys in singapore hit girls??? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2006/08/09/i_heart_is_getting_freeze_day_by_day~1024936/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2006/08/09/i_heart_is_getting_freeze_day_by_day~1024936/Wed, 09 Aug 2006 06:55:31 +0200 <p>Today is a day of decision for him. SIgn or not sign... I am very worried. I kept thinking wat happened. Hope that he give mi good news when he is back later to fetch mi off from school.</p> <p>Wish that he sign something favourable to him so that he is not so cheated by that woman. I duno how to help him, quite sad about this. BUT i realli duno how, i am so useless...</p> <p>Today he also bring his car to service to fix the door that i had spoilt. Hope that everything is fine. Haiz.. I am pretty worried for that too...</p> <p>I hope that the woman will not bluff him anymore. This woman getting more and more wicked and is a big cheater le. I sort of hate her for being such a woman. She got no face to be a woman at all. She destroyed all women's pride. What a sad thing i will say. Even a young teenager like mi also look down on a lady like her. She is somemore a grad from NUS with a stable job but her character is just like a very very very poison flower.</p> <p>I will never do this to my boyfriend or future husband. She just purely loves his money la. What can say other than this. She is a crap. Last time never contribute also wanna take so much money from him. If you so good at using laws to tkae his money why not show that you can earn the money yourself. you dun have the strength to earn so much den dun ask for so much la. She is a greedy bad woman.</p> <p>Haiz... I am still waiting for his call now... Very worried!!! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2006/07/13/i_am_very_worried_yesterday_i_actualli_c~956045/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2006/07/13/i_am_very_worried_yesterday_i_actualli_c~956045/Thu, 13 Jul 2006 11:38:52 +0200 <p>Actualli i am nt angry le la. That's my character. I feel frustrated just let mi grumble here and there. Vent them out on blog, dairy or shouted at something den i will be fine later... Haha!!!</p> <p>Now i am a happy little girl again. I still enjoy to be just like a little kid, playing day-dreaming at home or anywhere. I love to sit in the car while he is driving and i look out of the wondow and look at things. So fun. I dunno wat's nice about doing that but i jus enjoy lol. Hehe%$@&*</p> <p>He got his certificate yesterday le. Haha completed master degree. Now heading for his upcoming PhD. Nice nice.... I can onli see him doing all these stuffs cos i wont get a chance to study so much. Wakakaka... cos i am just stupid, no brains.</p> <p>WHY ar, everytime he alway thinks that i am unhappy when he says something den he started talking loudly like scolding at mi for being unhappy, but the thing is i am fine. I didnt be unhappy. Den he like attitude changed liao. this is something i hate about him. These kinda situation had happened many times and i am quite particular about it cos i am so so so "yuan wang".</p> <p>Forget it bah! wat else can i do by forgetting about it? He also cant understand.. Like today morning he says he thinks that he ate the bread i cook yesterday den he stomach pain. After he said that i say ok i stopped cooking the bread now i go downstairs and buy some food up. But he suddenly says why i angry about wat he said. Come on i never get angry. He says he is hungry and wants to eat bread. DEn he says why u unhappy. I says never, i just worry u eat again and stomach pain another time so i better go down to get food from stalls. I worry about him getting the pain again and offered to buy food from the coffee shop but he says i get angry. How the hell, not fair arrrhhh!!!!! People worry about him he yet say about mi and started his voice loud again attitude changed. Not fair!!! I just wanted to be nice cos i worry he get stomach pain again. He never think for mi de.</p> <p>Now i realli feel sad when i think about he answering mi like tat. I just being nice he took it in another way.... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2006/07/12/haiz~952783/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2006/07/12/haiz~952783/Wed, 12 Jul 2006 06:23:44 +0200 <p>Haiz! I saw her blog and guess wat, i saw him typing to her some sentitive words and i am feeling very uneasy... I hate to see those words, you already got mi and why do u still want to tell her those words. Even if u wanna use the soft way to convince her and make her not to do those harsh stuffs, you shouldn't say those words to her. How can you tell someone else all these words when u have mi. Isnt that betraying? The worst of the worst he never tell mi all these.</p> <p>Still fine i swallow it down. Guess wat??? Yesterday i found another news... You bluffed mi. I reali unhappy with that. If you had passed those things to her place just tell mi. Dun need to tell mi that u are bringing it to ur sister's house. Sick of him. How dare he bluff mi. I dun trust him somehow yesterday on watever he said. I realli feel sick of wat he is doing now. Ur past relationship got nothing to do with mi and why, how the why i need to get involved. Those pawn jewellery not my thing, those are hers and why why must i go get them back with u? At first i was ok with taking it back from the pawn shop but after yesterday, i realli feel unhappy.</p> <p>Nxt best thing i told him that u didnt tell mi u bring those stuffs to her house? I was just talking nicely, guess wat his first answer was why at this point of time u wanna use this to quarrel with mi. Come on... Which girl will be happy about that? And worst of all u gave such an answer when i was talking to u nicely... Why the hell i got to give in.. So unfair to mi...</p> <p>I realli hate her and of course you too. This touble is done by u cos u had a relationship with such a lady and all these troubles are done by her. I starting to feel sick of it le.. But i told myself i give in cos afterall he is the one i chose. You should also think for mi, think that now i need to go it through with u. In the beginning i gave you advise that she isnt a good person yet u dun believe, now everything tured sour den u start to ask mi advises? Cos you trust her in the beginning? Hell, den u dun trust my words that she is bad. You never put mi the respect to trust mi. I am with u now yet u dun trust mi. Now see wat happens. You got all these yourself. My cousin also will listen to mi. I am nothing to him just merely a cousin. When talking about his divorce and his house, he is willing to listen to mi and take my advise. But you, just cos u are smarter and didnt want to believe mi in the beginning.</p> <p>You never respect mi in some ways. You said those words to her in her blog somemore. How will a girl swallow all these down. How to trust you?</p> <p>Forget it, i swallow, i swallow. Cos i am the stupid one mah. Wat can i do. I got no say in anything... Fine i just study later, somemore later got lesson. got to pay attention... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2006/07/11/i_feel_very_uneasy~950306/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2006/07/11/i_feel_very_uneasy~950306/Tue, 11 Jul 2006 03:40:17 +0200 <p>Another quarrel again!!!<br> Hahaha, funny quarrel. I dun wan any quarrels anymore. What's the best way to prevent this? Easy answer break up. Dun wanna break up den how? Continue to try lol. Try le, still difficult den how again? Simple, take it easy and alsways escape, try to forget and swallow everything down.</p> <p>Haiz, actually i start to forbia le la... Dun give myself excuse le. I just simply feel the stress and forbia about it. Every quarrel he will tell me that C is better den me, he will never choose me and wont file a divorce, also ask me to leave. I am a suay 'gui'/'ghost' to him. Gamble loose maoney also because of me. Haiz, wat can i do??? I also dun wnat him to loose, this time got back some capital le, i feel like telling him i am going to leave. Since win back some le, so at least i can leave him in peace.</p> <p>Maybe we arent suitable. He and C can walk to long journey till this distance. As for me, i dun even dare to think any further. He give me the stress about her is getting more, and i am slowly cant take it anymore. I am simply forbia about wat he always says and threatening me. I dun like this threatening style. Really hate it a lot. Actualli he says that i 'wuhui' C is a bad person. Actualli is not, i will not dislike her. But now yes i am, is not she did anything to me. Is cos he always uses her name to threaten me. Everytime i hear this i feel more forbia, feel more sad. It is a great disappointment.</p> <p>Since i cant stop quarrels, and when we quarrel, his hands will start to push me, hit me and pinch me. I really getting scared and ill want to stop all these. Long term with these kind of style from him, i will sure get depression. Words from his mouth already hurt me so deep. Those threatening words are really making me sick and tired. Why want to let people make me feel so frightening?</p> <p>Once quarrel, it never stops. Once he has hit me with his hands, there is always a next time he does that again. Since cant stop quarrel, there will be more physical ache that i am really afraid of. Perhaps break up is the best thing to solve all these.</p> <p>Better than keep letting people chasing me off the house, i will walk off myself. I see through everything, I also tired of it. Although i cant bear to leave him, i still love him a lot but there must be an end to all these. Since to him i am so suay person, i will not stay at his side den he can become very heng person. I am a person that he can benefit anything, and i am so suay who always make him lose money cos i quarrel with him so i leave. Since i cant be compared to C, den i dun want any cmparison. "ren pi ren, qi si ren". I also dun like such comparison. Why wanna bluff oneself since is so obvious that we arent suitable for each other.</p> <p>He just need a traditional marriage, he can have his own family. Since is so, why should i still be here to stop everything. He already stated it clear that he is okie without me. At first i feel that i cant go without him. But i got to grow up, i can still continue everything as per normal without him. Since in the beginning, i was also without him.</p> <p>I am really getting forbia of those words. Everytime i hear those words, i feel so disappointed, feel so pain. I cant shut my ears, so i leave den he will never get to say those words to me. I am not been selfish, but everytime i meet quarrels, i choose to keep quiet, choose to escape. I duno what to do inorder to solve problems. why i choose to keep quiet, is not cos i just angry and dun want to say anything, is that i really duno wat to say. My brain just simply cant function whenever he ask me questions either during the quarrel or when is going to start a quarrel. I start to feel stress with questions, my brain will also stop thinking. Is just like there is no processor. Haiz, since so stress and forbia, just cut it off. rather be sasd now, den i future, i want to chop it off also mre difficult or maybe cant even chop off. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2006/05/15/i_really_giving_up_soon~800210/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2006/05/15/i_really_giving_up_soon~800210/Mon, 15 May 2006 05:00:36 +0200 <p>Sometimes past is the past. There is nothing to tell mi that she had hardship with you and you can let it down easily.</p> <p>If the thing happened on me i had hardship with a previous guy then i tell him that i cant let it down easily and cried. What will he feel? Gosh isnt it a bit useless to tell me that.</p> <p>He says i can understand yes i realli cant understand. Cos i am not the one who is in the picture. If i am the one i will tell him yes i understand. You want me to wait for so many years and yet still telling me this. How can i still accept it. You need 4 yrs to be officially divource and now you haven even start filing a separation. Do you think who will accapt such agreement. Now i am still at your side and i still support with my heart in wat you are doing. Isnt that good?</p> <p>The house isnt mine yet i told myself i want to stay with him. The house isnt mine but beongs to him and the girl yet i always clean the house. Am i keeping the house clean for the girl instead of my own house? Guess wat he even told me that this house is your boyfriend's house you should love it and take care of it cos is your boyfriend's house. Okie well fine since he says that. If the house is his alone i will still accept this statement more but this house belongs not onli to him. So i am taking care of it for another person's sake. And during the last quarrel he even shouted he wont file a divource. He also said that i am nothing to him but C is at least his legal wife. He used such words to insult me. This is something i listen and can never forget. If he never want to file a divource how am i going to get peace in my mind?</p> <p>I maybe hot temper but i notice he is too. I am clumsy in handling some things. SOmetimes i just drop the key he can somehow raise his voice abit and say "what are you doing?" Sometimes little things he also get his temper abit hot. Can you believe that even he is at his mum's house i just make a call to ask somethings. Then later in the house, he came home, he will question me with temper my mum is around why you ask so many question and take a ong time on the phone. Is that realli very long time. I will say NO i never talk much actually. Yet he is so unhappy. Tryig to hide me in the phone too? This is crazy ok. Guess wat during the festival to go pray ancestors at mandai, we arrived the same place. But before hand, he said that later if see each other dun act so close. I asked why he says he dun want later my mum know that he is married or wat. I come to think about it i really believe is not that case lol. Close will tell that mah? It is that he scared his family such as mum and brother and sister saw me. What the hell is this? Am i really a mistress? If so i will not want to be one and rather leave. Is so hardpain he give me that mistress feeling. He dun feel it but i do ok.</p> <p>I also dun want to be the bad person, if his mum and other family members really duno what is going on with him and C. Next time they really found out about me they gets to blame me i really hate everyone. I will also hate him for sure.</p> <p>I am lost le. I duno wat i am going to do so that i feel better. Someone just teach me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2006/05/09/i_am_a_bit_lost~785952/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2006/05/09/i_am_a_bit_lost~785952/Tue, 09 May 2006 08:56:43 +0200 <p>Yesterday decided to tell him. I dun want any regrets in future that i am the bad person. I want to be happy and i rather give up and be sad now rather in the future he blames mi for other things. He said that i had made him suffered so much once he knows me, I rather leave than been blame. I also dun want him to get into all these problems. Since i am so lousy and useless he dun need me at all why should i still be stuck in this situation? He got a better choice in front of him. I am the one who is now stopping him from choosing it. So i am the bad person now.</p> <p>Since he cant bare to leave and put off the suffered hardship with her why must i still stuck in between. He just need one more step to complete his ideal family. Just get the traditional marriage and that's all. He said before i am a nothing person to him but she is his wife, legal wife afterall. So wat am i. Simply meaning mistress isit? These insults i really dun want to listen. The last quarrel lead me to think of all these.</p> <p>I dun want to be the bad person. I dun want to be the one who stopped him. i also dun want to listen something bad from the future. Such as "you were the one who led me to all these, you stopped me from that marriage, you were the one who force all these out, you were the one who made me suffered." At that time wat can i say? Haha, just do nothing lol and listen to all these words. Why let me wait for 4 yrs and end up sufferings, why let him give up what he has now and let him got the chance to tell me thse words. Why let me have the chance to be the bad person and blame me next time. I dun want all these and moreover i really dun want to be any bad guy in this situation. I rather give up and be sad now.</p> <p>He can chase her out of house now meaning he can easily chase anyone off. He already asked me off the house during many quarrels it means that in future he can do this anytime again. Even is his wife can also be easily chase off the house.</p> <p>A person to be rational is to think now and dun make one regret in future. To e successful is to stop negative things and head for the positive. To make more people happy and not so many sad things is to make sure the decision now is always the best. To learn is to get wrong first and learn from it. So now i learnt it so i should not get into deeper wrongs. Not to be a weakling, is to get stronger. Face the fact and be brave. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2006/05/08/i_dun_want_anymore_regrets_i_also_dun_wa~783109/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2006/05/08/i_dun_want_anymore_regrets_i_also_dun_wa~783109/Mon, 08 May 2006 05:21:06 +0200 <p>We had a very bad quarrel on the 17 of April 2006(Monday midnight). The next day(Tuesday)was his exam, first paper. Some words came out from his mouth when we quarrelled and i cant believe myself that i heard them. I don't wish to list those sentences out. After hearing all the words from him i am disappointed. I dunno what to do to ease the situation. I am very stupid and i do not know how to answer/reply him, i remained silent. He doesnt like to see me keeping quiet and don't say a single thing. But i just dunno what to say. I am too stupid.</p> <p>He did some comparison. At first i was not okay with it<img src="/img/smilies/grayno.gif" alt=":no:" class="middle" border="0">. But after thinking through i am fine<img src="/img/smilies/icon_wink.gif" alt=";)" class="middle" border="0">. I want to stay happy. I do not want to cry that much. Last the me was a very crazy girl. I do not really know what is sad, disappointment and heart pain. Now i know it but i wish to still be the happy me.</p> <p>I am currently thinking of some solutions and i want to be democratic. I try my best to make the solution the best way, fair to each other. I had some thoughts, but i do not know if i do this, is gonna be correct or wrong. Since yesterday, i have been thinking and thinking<img src="/img/smilies/grayconfused.gif" alt=":??:" class="middle" border="0">. But <img src="/img/smilies/graysigh.gif" alt=":**:" class="middle" border="0"> i still dunno if that's the corect thing to do. I give myself another week to think through. This decision must also see how he feels about it and how he will react to it. Maybe is to also for me to check how much he sees for me. Although the result comes out is not what i want, i will still be fair to it bah. I will try my very best to console myself and enclose myself out of everything.</p> <p>Even when i think of the decision, i am already crying and feeling very sad and heartpain. However, this is what is needed to clear things up, either to look for a new route or to stay with this secret passage to reach the destination. Every route there are different environment and circumstances. Thing will be meeting are also different. How are we going to measure and compare with it. There are many things in the world we use to compare but there are some things that just cannot be compare.</p> <p>He choose to compare, maybe he is correct too. He may think that's a better choice and a better route. Since so this route maybe not a correct one for him, he cant stay in this environment and circumstances. He also said this house cannot let a person like me to be in. As this is his house, the environment creator is him. Maybe i am also not suitable in here and C is more suitable over here. To him, he will accept more of her den me. I got more solutions and questions for myself. I need more time to evaluate them. Although i feel very sad and heartpain that i am taking all these steps but maybe this is also a solution that i can implement. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2006/04/19/i_do_not_know_what_i_am_currently_thinki~738276/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2006/04/19/i_do_not_know_what_i_am_currently_thinki~738276/Wed, 19 Apr 2006 08:11:03 +0200 <p><img src="/img/smilies/grayrazz.gif" alt=":b" class="middle" border="0">Hehe, numbers of quarrel had went down recently. This is something that i can cheers with my wine glass and say yeah!!!<img src="/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif" alt=":DD" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Recently he is fond of SGX stock market. I am always staying at home helping to monitor it and report the resullt to him every few couples of minutes. I think with what i am looking at, one day i can e stock queen le. $$$Haha$$$ <strong>LOL</strong></p> <p><u>Now about my head</u><br> My head is still trying to recover from that knock. I forgotten what happened that day totally lost that moment of memory. From what he told me, we quarrelled and i walked by myself to opposite block of flats. He called me later and he came over to look for me. After that, he pushed me and i hit my head into the wall. All these sequence of things i had totally forgotten. Not a single thing i remembered.</p> <p>The next day i woke up in the afternoon when he came home and wake me up, my head was so pain. It really ache badly. So so so painful. The pain pulled from the origin of the injured portion to the whole of my head.</p> <p>I tried to remember the sequence of things that happened the night before but when i try, the pain is even more hurtful.</p> <p>Actually, i was a bit living in fear. I got hurt by him physically for the third time in 6 months. Due to all these quarrels, my hyperventilation syndrome had relasped for 3 to 4 times. There was once, i was a bit drunk, because he walked to fast after we quarrelled, i was almost been dragged by strangers into their car. 2 men was trying to pull me into the car. I struggled myself so hard to escaped. Next i continued to walk, as i was trying to head to the police station headquaters. Along the way, another guy approached me and was calling me darling. I ignored and continued to walk to the police station HQ. I was not stable with my steps as i was a bit drunk. I crossed the road and stopped to rest outside of the police station. I continued my journey to the carpark that he parked his car. I continued to walk and i reached the Narcotic Drug HQ. I was getting worst with my steps. The Narcotic officer saw me and stopped me. He asked me what happened and where is my boyfriend. The officer remembered me. Because he saw my boyfriend and me was looking for the restroom when we walked past earlier before the quarrel. The officer asked me to call my boyfriend to know where is his location so that he can picked me up. the officer talked to my boyfriend in the phone. Then the officer told me that my boyfriend had drove back to Pasir Ris and gone home. HE left me alone. HE really left me alone. I met all these things and i faced it alone myself. Where was he? He just drove home. Until now, a few months had past, i can still clearly remembered what happened. If that night, i did not struggled hard to save myself, now what would i be. How will i become like? My boyfriend asked the Narcotic officer to wave a cab and send me back. So i took the cab home myself. Haha, i cannot think anymore i can only remember what the guys was trying to do to me. I really had him for leaving me alone and let me got that attacked.</p> <p>The next day, my boyfriend told me, if i was raped he wont blame me he will accept me. COME ON wake up do you think i really believe that. Haha!!! BIG JOKE!!! I think he will leave me instead of accepting it. Even if he accepts, so what? I was raped by that time and he dun feels anything but what will i look myself at?</p> <p>I really cannot forget what happened that day. It was so scary. I really cannot depend on this boyfriend. Even in future he is my husband i really dun dare to put myself in his hands to protect me. I rather pick up everything myself. What security do i get, Nothing at ALL. Afterall, who really will put the person all into danger to protect me? I think it will be nobody at most my parents.</p> <p>Today, i asked my dad for his idenfication number. He asked me what is it for? I told him is for my aquathlon competition that is coming up soon. For tietary national level. He was worried for me. He said i quit my track and field for 1/2 year, do i still have the power to run. Can i do it? I told him i will. I will not run till i let myself into trouble. I will protect myself. I told him not to worry. See afterall, daddy is still daddy. His concern to me is still stronger.</p> <p>My dad seldom talks to me, but he is concern about me. Just that he never show it to me. He worry of my health most although he doesnt cares much of my studies. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2006/04/17/not_so_much_quarrel_that_often_anymore~732947/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2006/04/17/not_so_much_quarrel_that_often_anymore~732947/Mon, 17 Apr 2006 06:00:02 +0200 <p>My family, aunt's family, bf and me wen to genting on friday night, 17 march 2006. Bf drove my family and me there, aunt they all took coach there.</p> <p>He frove very fast ar! haha. But mummy say nice nice. lol&%%$% Fast fast good... Dang...</p> <p>Haiz, bf and me went to casino and lost S$1000 there within 2 days. So sad. Last time we went there he won almost ringgit $10,000. </p> <p>On monday, 20 March 2006, my bf and me went on board ship's casino, we bet there and lost another S$1,000. LOL! so suay this time.</p> <p>Nevermind! come back to singapore, house toilet bowl stuck. So smelly and dirty. Can faint ar!*&^&%</p> <p>I find it so suay!!! Today leh, i forgot to switch off stove i got scolded by him. Haiz!!! I woke up first thing, i found new way to clean the toilet bowl so wen straight for it den never pack bed, nv brush teeth. Haiz, now typing this blog also haven brush teeth. I forget to pack bed got scolded again. He said i watch tv, aiya actualli i wanted to switch on the com to check the toilet bowl thingy on net de. But cant connect to network so i watch tv den forget other things le. The bed leh, i still wanna go back to sleep de. He said i nv want to give out the flyers, aiya i intended to give out today afternoon de loL!!! Afternoon can also do housework. But leh he angry le and fetch mi home den i cant do le. Somemore took the key and access card from me. Haiya sian*&^&%!^$#@</p> <p>He says i always go his house sleep do nothing. LOL! I at my own home also alot things no need to do. I got help out in washing his clothes and vacuum and mop floor still not good enough. NVM la, all these nothing much de mah.</p> <p>I give out flyers also cos i dun want him to run here and there, his leg got the dunno wat thing pain. See him wear shoes so pain i also scared. I feel i do le a lot more compared to own house. But he like not satisfied de. Sometimes i also feel like not staying with him. Stay with mummy, i dun need to do so many things. I can play all the com games i want.</p> <p>But is for him den i do. All cos of him lol. haiz i also dunno wat to do. So suay like this. All the things went wrong in a day.</p> <p>Haiz next tme den continue to write la. I now so sian le, not i angry is i dun understand. He also stay there but he last time still got wash clothes, no leh, clothes also i wash. That one just dum into washing machine and put soap can le. the rest machine will do for u mah. Aiya maybe i selfish la, also want him to do. Dun care la, ju walk one step see one step.</p> <p>I wonder christina last time also cos she do till like tat so she sian liao den everything anyhow do??? But i never anyhow to do wor. But he says i showed him i anyhow do. LOL!!! Got misunderstanding. Maybe christina last time got do but she not so good at it. Like my cousin-in-law, got one love to do housework, one dun like. The one dun like housework love to do fish shop thing, the one lik housework dun love fish shop job. Got different de mah. For mi leh, housework ar, onli certain type i love to do. Not everything*&%^&% Haha, actualli i hate vacuum floor. I onli love to mop floor. But no choice they are together thingy so everything i just do lol. But i also got a lot of lazy times la. Hehe!!! I dun want to do anything, just eat, sleep, play game! Aiya but i not totalli wont do la. I will go back to it later de lol. I am pig mah, i love to sleep. haha. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2006/03/24/lose_money~670461/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2006/03/24/lose_money~670461/Fri, 24 Mar 2006 04:10:56 +0100 <p>So 'nan ting', always scold fark. Dunno y he is like this. Last time jus knew him so nice and gentle. Appreciated he was like this and i find it very good. Happy to know that he is 'si wen'. Haiz, now lei turn out like a beast. Kept scolding fuck in msn. Like this word so nice to scold. Scold can ar but no need almost every sentence with the word fuck ba.</p> <p>One day nv accompany him will die mah? I wanted to go to his place de lol but cousin's problem a lot. My parents were asking mi about her mah. So it took up a lot of time and i can only go over his place late. When i told mummy i wanna go out she banged the table and say go out again? She was so angry. Can't he understand mah. I already 2 days stay over at his place le now mummy angry and ask mi to stay at home he turn out angry.</p> <p>He say if i got the heart to go over why i need to drag so long. Please lol is not drag. Parents are talking to mi. My cousin met so many problems. She ran out of house and dun wanna go home. Her JAE also got problem. My aunt committed suicide. Still got a lot of things. I need to tell parents. </p> <p>Aiya getting more and more frustrated. I realli duno wat to do. How to balance bf and family? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2006/03/06/why_is_it_like_this~617784/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2006/03/06/why_is_it_like_this~617784/Mon, 06 Mar 2006 16:44:41 +0100 <p>Can someone tell mi wat to do? I realli do not know wat to do. I am lost le.</p> <p>My parents can't understand what is on even i explain to them. I said i studied till very late nights there so i end up sleeping there. usually that's the case. But they just wnt mi to go home. even late cannot finish also must go home. I will tuen crazy de.</p> <p>Daddy wanted mi to shift out yesterday. He threw all my clothes from the cabinet out to my bed. I thought i can tell F about what is going on and discuss with him but in the end got scolded by him. Think i rather shut up and dun talk. </p> <p>I want very much to stay with F and accompany him. But my parents just can't ccept that at all. But then i also think of how he beaten me and slapped mi, i myself also scared. Later one day we quarrel he just throw my away i got no family at all by then. If F is my closest person also not with mi den i sure breakdown bah. I got no place to stay i still can slum with Cindy first.</p> <p>Now i am having exams. I got to concentrate now. I cant let all the shit affect me. I know is already affecting but i will not let it affect any further. Nothing can take away my studies.</p> <p>Exams are so important to me, it determines a lot to me. I can quite track for studies. I dun wanna waste my effort of giving up passion. Since i had gave up on track i cant disappoint myself to have my results go worst instead or better. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2006/02/20/i_dunno_wat_to_do~577228/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2006/02/20/i_dunno_wat_to_do~577228/Mon, 20 Feb 2006 14:16:57 +0100 <p>I feeling very sad, very very very very very very very sad. I cant even express how sad it is. Jus too sad.</p> <p>Being crying for 2 days le. I must stop but i duno why my tears keep rolling down. I always tell myself not to cry but cant stop cos i feel so sad. I wont harm him cos i noe i wont. I really jope he can do better in the future. I was a big wrong to come into his life. I spoilt everything he has. I regretted how i treated him.</p> <p>But i really love him. He dun believe ba. But truthfully i do love him a lot. I am skipping lesson again go take MC. Cos i really no mood to go class. Think cos of him this sem i am going to flunk again. Jus take it as a punishment that i had treated him so badly. I feel like leaving school so that i wont see him anymore. He also wont feel angry, sad and disappointed. I really got to let go but my heart so pain. Really very pain duno how to describe.</p> <p>Got to go see doctor for MC. Cindy accompanying mi there. I think this time i tell YongZhen wat happen he sure scold mi till siao. Afterall he is my best buddy he knows a lot. Cindy know a bit le. She ask mi to stay her house for a few days so she can accompany mi. Continue this blog later at home &^&*% </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2006/01/16/here_i_came_to_the_end_of_itaamp~475123/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2006/01/16/here_i_came_to_the_end_of_itaamp~475123/Mon, 16 Jan 2006 03:50:30 +0100 <p>I starting to feel so left out, so unprotected, so inferior. I am starting to have the feeling to avoid him a bit. I must safe guard myself. I dun want anyone to hurt me further. I am a girl, what i need he yet can't fulfill. I got to worry so much and worry so often. One day i will fear, infact is now i am starting to fear.</p> <p>I wish to drop all these feelings and give the chance for him to feel up the gap in my heart. Let me feel my existance and to erase my unprotected and inferior feeling. Why inferior feeling? I dun wish to say onli my personal diary has the reason for it. But i really feel inferior from start and now the feeling is getting worst.</p> <p>I realli duno if i should continue to treat him the infinite love and the heart which is not on guard. i should prevent from him and avoid him. Should I or shouldn't I? I cried so hard for him. Not once but many times, if i dun love him i won't even feel a single thing, i won't even shed a tear. My tears now i feel so inexpensive. I cried so much for him, is it worthwhile?</p> <p>I am also starting to think, I am so young, if i never quit my track, i can still go for my training, study as usual and always go home accompany my family. Maybe i can lead my life more happily. because of him, i gave up a lot of time for my family. I am 18, at this age suppose to still stick with my family more often. But i chose to always meet him. I everyday make early morning call for him so that he won't be late for work. Once i called him i always can't get to sleep. Why must i be so gd jus late him be late correct. He dun seems to appreciate i call him at all.</p> <p>I shall let myself be for another couple of days. I will look at the situation. If i feel worst, i will sure backoff a bit somehow. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2006/01/01/should_i_continue~430640/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2006/01/01/should_i_continue~430640/Sun, 01 Jan 2006 04:44:34 +0100 <p>I am a cry-baby i noe it well. This is my character. Last time i wasn t like this. I was once a very very bold and daring gal. But now i changed.</p> <p>Yesterday was new yr eve, i supposed to be happily going out and enjoy but i did not. I was alone. Infact my brother took care of me. He left me alone, i was so sad i cried till i hyper-vantilate again. My brother was so worried, he quickly get things that i need to ease my problem. When i relapse, my chest is always so tight, heart so pain and my whole body starts to numb. Cant move when it is too serious. I almost let my relapse out of control just now. I cried from new yr eve till new yr. Hope that this is the last time he make me feel so bad. Please eliminate her i dun like her at all. I feel no protection, no safe feeling. Not safe guard at all!</p> <p>I got to hide so many things. like i am a M_____*. I hope not anymore as soon as possible. both parents also got to hide details. but at least my mum still noe got a person like him is around. the rest of the details no one knows. My brother onli knew one part of it. I realli thank my brother who always supports me. Always take care of me when i cry. Suppose to be him taking of me but end up my brother was the one who let me feel better. He knows how to talk to me and console me. I think this is my brother third time saw me crying for the person. Is my brother who ease me a lot better instead of the person.</p> <p>See my pic after i cried?<br> <a href="http://data1.blog.de/blog/e/eustacia/img/Picture(62).jpg" title=" cry baby mi"><img src="http://data1.blog.de/blog/e/eustacia/img/Picture(62)_small.jpg" border="0" alt=" cry baby mi"></a> So how i look so ugly correct! haiya i dun wish shed tears for him anymore. Otherwise one day my tears are gone cos i cried too much. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2005/12/31/i_shed_tears_once_again~430108/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2005/12/31/i_shed_tears_once_again~430108/Sat, 31 Dec 2005 19:05:24 +0100 <p>Today he came and pick mi back to his place. I saw things lying in the living room. They are all C things, he told mi so. He said he is returning the remaining things back to her. Ready to take back the access cards and house keys. I was happy at least he tried to get her off somehow.</p> <p>Happy happy la but now crop up some problems. Looking at it he is trying to fight back, i believe in him. But now my heart has slowly moved to something like gif up. To mi, if u were trying to eliminate someone, u will do it short and sweet. However, i feel somehow he is trying to gif her chances. Maybe i am wrong but i realli duno i got such feelings.</p> <p>I dun dare to tell him otherwise i get scolded. Afterall i am third party. I called him when he was at his mum's place wa liao like must hide mi. He did not scold mi at first but when i was in the car he said he was at his mum's place why i on the phone talk so many things. Got to hide mi real tight yeah. How i feel? Maybe he duno. What do i feel he dunno at all bah.</p> <p>Today is new yr eve, suppose to be happily enjoy the eve going out to catch a movie or watever de. But now i am stuck at home writing my blog later den go visit my granny. How stupid yeah!@##^@^#</p> <p>few days ago i still asked him when go out maybe watch movie or wat he told me saturday now i end up at home. He says he is going to his buddy's place cos his buddy getting married tml den got to do some preparations. Nvm lol den he tell mi again, he is going to pick his mum to visit his real brother. LONG TIME NO SEE that brother as for some reasons. Den i do wat? I do nothing at home. Going to sleep at WW but cancelled cos some things crop up. Wa liao how i feel? I now very disappointed and sad. Angry a bit la cos i noe my temper nt gd. If u were mi wat do u feel? Haiya maybe i wrong again i cannot angry. Later i angry he scold mi again. Always kana scolded very sian de.</p> <p>I hope he treasures mi a lot. I treasure him a lot. C got him for everything last time. Now i dun and worst case is i got to wait for so long. I dun feel sick pple also feel sick for me. I learn to pick up once again for him. He should know i hope. If he dun i duno wat to say liao. I trust him and willing to gif the time and wait but how well things we go? I also duno. Hope he treasure my existance. Things between him and C getting more complicated i also wanna wash hands and duno wat to do le. I feeling scared and worried. Cant write much here later i kana scolded or let pple saw these. Jus tat i feel tired and breathless how? I dun wish to gif up cos i realli love him. Mummy ask realli ready for it this time i told her yes. I also nv think much to answer. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2005/12/31/happy_headache_sad_and_duno_wat_to_do~428884/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2005/12/31/happy_headache_sad_and_duno_wat_to_do~428884/Sat, 31 Dec 2005 10:50:16 +0100 <p>How to stop couples from quarrelling? I also dunno cos i am also one of them. Haiya wat to do life right sure got some nt nice de. Cant be everyday so smooth. Like tat this world wont have the word sad or angry le.</p> <p>I see Ian case so sad, his gf treated him like a pile of shyt. Ian is a nice person. He always tell mi dun gif up otherwise i regret. So i dun wanna gif up. Onli follow wat my heart says. My heart tells mi that the love for him is strong so i go for it. Ian also says go for it. Ian is like my big brother. I saw him sad, angry, hapy and bitter before with his current gf. Cos he always come to mi oftenly about his problems. But i am so sorry i cant help much afterall is between Ian and his gf. I know his gf but nt close at all. His gf i nv expected she is so bad la. Last time see her face like very nice gal. Aiya cannot judge the book by it's cover mah. I also know.</p> <p>I also know tat Ian had give up on her le. Now he is just doing things that is to just continue the relationship. Once he burst, tat's it he'll break with her.</p> <p>looking at Ian's case i hope mine wont turn out things like Ian's. I dun want such things to happen cos i really love my bf. Very strong feeling, no feeling of giving up at all. He'll be with mi de. I trust and choose to believe that. I hope he also whole heartedly love mi lol. He will also nt gif up on mi. I follow wat my heart says. My hearts says that i love him a lot, realli a lot something like infinite. There is no maximum at all. Not even 100% cos there is infinite, eternity. </p> <p>So i realli hope for the best for myself. Hahaa!##@& I realli hope we do last. I hope he knows how i feel. To him, i am a person that cant express well. yes i do agree and this is a big problem. I love him so much yet i cant express it out. But how can love be so easily said and done. how can love be so easily shown. If it is so, many human beings like us will have an easier time.</p> <p>I ask myself wat i love about him lol. But my answer for myself is i realli dunno. Is just a natural feeling. My heart leading mi to him. Telling mi he is the one. After 6 ex-bfs, he is the first one let mi so so so loving him. Even myself lose count of how many times i had cried for him. Just like a cry-baby now but no choice leh. I am very emotional. I will cry oftern de. A little stress i also cry. I try to learn to cope but so useless. My eyes still tell mi how hard u wanna use mental to control, i still wanna cry.</p> <p>Yesterday, i saw him cried. I was so heartache. the feeling is unbearable. First time i saw him was almost crying. The tears are rolling down soon but it didnt. This time when i saw the first drop rolling down, i feel like crying with him. I hope things go on fine. A new year is coming soon and his stress shall go off. He will plan his way well and hope things are smooth.</p> <p>Haiya type quite a lot le got to stop here. I needa go play my GunZ and also do my MAPD project. Hehe today is 3 months anniversary le. I hope it will be a nice one. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2005/12/28/quarrel_i_dun_want~421156/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2005/12/28/quarrel_i_dun_want~421156/Wed, 28 Dec 2005 03:08:45 +0100 <p>Christmas is coming in 2 more days time. Not very happy cos i got nothing in mind to do. Buying a gift also headache. I got no idea wat to buy lol. Sometimes come to think of it buying a gift is one of the world's toughest thingy. He already have most of the things in life that is needed. The rest are all wants. In my perception, buying a meaningful gift is something that is in need or something that is very very memorable. Now i 'kiao thio' duno wat to buy. </p> <p>I am getting bored everywhere i go. Cos nothing speacial that is getting my attention. No surprises in Singapore, nothing amazing at all. I think i still got to get down to read all my comics and watch my animation cos at least is something i love to do. Maybe today i can go for a jog so that at leat i do something meaningful during holidays of cos later i got to start on my project, MAPD, doing a C# program. Hehe try try la cos i so weak in programming. Now got to tell myself try mah otherwise i regret for nt even trying lol.</p> <p>I woke up at 8.15am today, is a nice weather friday so far. My little brother sharing room with mi cos granny staying at my place. Hehe. Little brother still sleeping like a pig. I was playing GunZ so loudly yet he is still sleeping so soundly. So cute wor!!! I guess the person still sleeping bah. yesterday he was watching his VCD must be tired de nnow sure sleep like a piggy. Moreover, he has a nickname le, also name piggy le. So you noe la sure is a pig le.</p> <p>Came to remember of the past, i am always a person who stuck myself at home. I dun like going out with frens dun like to even go out that's the better answer. Everytime after lessons, i will go swimming or go for track and field training. Otherwise go home straight. Den i will help out my mummy in the kitchen and cook dinner. Once the clock hit 7pm means i sure take dinner. If i got training, i also wont eat dinner in school. I will end my track training at latest 11pm and reach home latest at 12 and take dinner at that time. I will den do project at home, go online, play games such as Warcraft, GunZ, MapleStory, Age of Empires, etc. 'Shiok' life indeed. so fun no worries at all. Just like a little gal whu noes nothing but to eat, sleep, training, play, bath, shit, and go to school. Ahahahahahaa!!!@##^%$^% </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2005/12/23/christmas_coming~409554/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2005/12/23/christmas_coming~409554/Fri, 23 Dec 2005 02:05:20 +0100 <p>When u are sick not the normal body illness(fever,cough). You tend to have difficulties to get any one to love you as a lover because it will become a risk and will be burden too.</p> <p>If tongyi knows what's wrong with mi now, i think he will fear and run away from mi! Is always the case that he may think i am sick!That's wat i think.</p> <p>Currently, that person he didn't run away and he is quite okie with it. I am glad is that way. I appreciate that he dun mind it and accepts it.</p> <p>However, somethings isnt that good as there is a need to take 4yrs to settle things. How am i going to wait. Holy shit! So long onli stupid will wait. Perhaps i am the stupid one lol. Hahaha^$%$#... I will always want to request things will be done faster so that i wont keep thinking and i do not needa worry. But the answer is always of course cannot, this needa take time!</p> <p>However, i think if the heart is there to put in place to deal things faster it can still be done. Just that he dun want to. So i am realli stupid. I dun wanna pick up a quarrel so i swallow those answers down as if i accept it.</p> <p>There is so much time i yet to live for the fire's burning still but once i am too tired and the flame goes off i just walk away. Because he need too much time for that. Mummy never know about this i dun dare to tell her lol. If she knows things between i am troubled, she will sure ask mi to forget it and walk away like i never knew him or mummy will choose to ask him sette it fast!</p> <p>What's the deal for having a house when ur gf doesn't feel happy. Going to a place of another person's? How she feels and how she get the sick of it? Can understand the feelings. Never one can right otherwise you will understand it! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2005/11/26/i_m_glad_and_yet_sad_and_also_troubled_a~338545/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2005/11/26/i_m_glad_and_yet_sad_and_also_troubled_a~338545/Sat, 26 Nov 2005 10:18:13 +0100 <p>Cousin sis married today, the 13 of NOV 2005. Early in the morning at 7.20 i need to rush to clementi.</p> <p>Although had a great time today playing games with my brother-in-law and his brothers aka frens before they can pick the bride.</p> <p>The wedding dinner was nice. Food was great and environment was well done. BUT reach home i am totalli like a dead fish. Now i am onli capable to sit down type some words whle waiting for the hair to dry before i sleep.</p> <p>Afterall, i still sincerely wish carmen and wai yue happy newly wed.<br> <a href="http://data1.blog.de/blog/e/eustacia/img/jie-w-uncle.jpg" title=""><img src="http://data1.blog.de/blog/e/eustacia/img/jie-w-uncle_small.jpg" border="0" alt=""></a><br> My uncle and her daughter(my cousin)!!! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2005/11/13/it_was_a_tired_day~304916/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2005/11/13/it_was_a_tired_day~304916/Sun, 13 Nov 2005 18:16:24 +0100 <p>Had a great time in Genting with my family and the person. Nice nice! Although it was really gonna tired mi out but i had the fun and realy enjoying it. LOL went into the casino there, it's really big and one thing is i went in and i dunno a single game. Firstly i hate gamblers and i also do not know how those games work out.</p> <p>Haha, over there i also saw PeiPei lol. Always meet her in places i go to. ALso dunno y lol!</p> <p><strong>Friends that you can trust</strong><br> I think in this century, the number of people you can trust is getting limited. First one that is i am able to trust is of course my family. As for friends, there are the only few such as YongZhen, Cindy, Christine and JingJing. </p> <p>YongZhen is my best friend, he will always give mi advices athough i alsways give him more as he needs them. </p> <p>Cindy ar...hmmm... She is a very very close friend who can helo if really neeed the help. She will pia for mi of course i will also pia for her lol. She is the one that knows mi best and knows the most about what's happening in my life and in my family.</p> <p>Christine and Jing they are more to like jus a closer friend den usual friends. They have good listening ears.</p> <p>Lastly, is my god-sis, jocelyn, she wont be like friend but a role of a sister. Although that person says she is more like a pollutant, but i still think she is not.</p> <p>Stop here bah, i dun wanna continue le lol... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2005/11/02/hahaha~278822/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2005/11/02/hahaha~278822/Wed, 02 Nov 2005 19:00:11 +0100 <p>It's quite a happy thing for mi to have the school term starting soon. Kinda waiting for it to arrive.</p> <p>Staying at home is far to boring. With more time slacking i will start to think of the problem and start to turn my imagination wild. No choice i am stuck with a situation that i cant tell future. Freaks mi out at times!</p> <p>School starts, i am going to stay at cindy's place. Haha!##@$ So happy for that. Staying jus oppsite of the school campus is kinda convenient for mi to go school daily. Gonna shift my closet to her house soon. YEAH YEAH!!! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2005/10/25/school_starting_soon~259598/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2005/10/25/school_starting_soon~259598/Tue, 25 Oct 2005 05:35:38 +0200 <p>Gosh everytime when i am not busy all the thoughts start rushing through my brains. Which is turning mi moody. Jus like mood swing when i am nt thinking of it i am doing fine, once the reminder is here it rings the bell and i start pondering over it.</p> <p>4 years of time to measure it??? I realli duno if my choice is correct. I dun dare to say a word about the fearful feelings i am having. Jus shhhh! Hmmm maybe i am stupid or wat mi, myself also duno how to explain things. I duno whu i can tell and say. The only person is that person but i dun wanna say anything to that person. Sometimes wat i am going through i dun even know is correct or wrong. As a student is it correct with wat i am doing and the future i will get? Nobody can answer that for mi. If this person did not appear as a mentor for mi then i got no problem. When is a mentor i still accept it but here come another situation i am in. There are more behind it. I laid down and cry asking myself what is rational. However, i cant answer my question.</p> <p><a href="http://data1.blog.de/blog/e/eustacia/img/Picture(24).jpg" title=""><img src="http://data1.blog.de/blog/e/eustacia/img/Picture(24)_small.jpg" border="0" alt=""></a><br> That's mi before i start typing the above stuffs into this blog. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2005/10/19/a_sudden_rush_of_sadness_came_passing_by~245756/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2005/10/19/a_sudden_rush_of_sadness_came_passing_by~245756/Wed, 19 Oct 2005 18:04:18 +0200 <p>Although i understand wat's going on but i still feel stress on the questions i got. Feeling a bit unfair for mi but wat to do i got no choice. JUST BARE WITH IT!</p> <p>Feeling a bit shity! I duno i consider my status as wat is jus like m_______. haha bonkers le! I hope 4yrs pass fast and i wont get play out that's for sure. If i am gonna get play out i will sure die, jump of from the building. </p> <p>Dang! I feel that if my brains are going to continue to puzzle over this i will die. So best thing is walk one step see one step. The usual saying! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2005/10/18/i_feel_so_confusing~242915/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>http://eustacia.blog.co.uk/2005/10/18/i_feel_so_confusing~242915/Tue, 18 Oct 2005 18:48:45 +0200